Once upon a time, there was a little girl who was filled with hope, dreams, aspirations, romantic and passionate. She lived her life making friends and openly trusting all whom she met, she loved to laff and smile and was naive to the ways of the world. Then as the years went by she could slowly see the evil in people and that saddened her.Started with innocent hide and go seek games as a child, wide eyed and playfull she was oblivious to what would happen next. That day her life and innocence was stolen and ripped from her core. An older cousin would repeatedly violate her quietly as she lay there feeling ashamed and confused, not understanding.He continued this time and time again and she never told a soul. she was scared and worried know one would believe her or talk to her. she felt like bad girl and dirty, how she missed feeling that trust again. years went by, she never told a single soul. the smile slowly vanished from her face the innocence lost in her eyes, She closes herself of and withdraws never feeling god enough. Now she is a young woman with her whole life ahead of her. she feels she might let the past go and embrace her new womanhood.Then tragically she is brutally attacked violated one night after clubbing with friends. She is afraid to say the R word cuz then it feels more real.She feels like she watched it happening to someone else not her.She hides herself away inside herself where she knows its safe. She never tells anyone, its probably her fault anyway, she wants to forget, She hates herself, she must have deserved this she thinks, shes ashamed and never tells anyone this.
No amount of showering or tears will wash away the filth she feels about herself. she tries to take her life but is a coward. four times she tries, four time failing.she locks herself away and loses her trust in people. yet even after all this she still has hope and dreams. Sometimes she stays in her beautiful house with her beautiful things not leaving for months on end. She wont answer the phone or the door. one day she finds a new life, a secondlife, where she can be the girl she is deep down with out anyone looking her in the eye judging her. once again her dreams and aspirations and hope come somewhat alive once more. Virtual although it may be. She feels safe as the numbness of rl melts away. She feels she is healing, No one knows her name, No one know who she is. She is me I am her. And as a new day begins, I become free and embrace the world once more clear of all past heartaches. I make friends and people that could never hurt me physically.I write this cuz I will never meet you and somehow it feels good to get it out. I wont see your judgmental eyes. You will never know me.
