fuck you

So....... I take a 3 to 4 week off of sl cuz my cheating hubby wants a divorce. I lose it and down some pills and try to do the unthinkable, I log on and let all my so called employers that I need a break, they are all aww whatever ya need take care. Then I come back on later and quit all of them but one until further notice. a month later....Im trying to get thru my struggle by surrounding myself with friends so I do a week of hosting shifts, baby steps hey I think good for me, then I get a notecard saying I am wishy washy and they need to let me go. I busted my fucking ass off for that club for a year!! Id come when no one else would come, Id jump when they said jump. If I was sick or tired Id come. Id cancel shifts at other clubs cuz sanc needed me! then I have rl issues that almost cost me my life! and they say I am wishy washy. I responded in STAFF chat that I didnt feel like filling a shift and they freak out at me! Who are these cold hearted mother fuckers! ive never experienced in my whole entire life so many cold hearthed evil people!. I thought yay Bran your trying to get thru this and go back to what ya love considering,....then Boom those heartless cow cunts have the nerve to tell me I shouldnt be sad. well fuck you!!!! For all of you who think your jobs are you friends and family's they are not. your just a body to be filled into a spot to slave away, thwy don't care about you and never will. god bless all you fucking assholes.

Where to start...first of all i'm totally burnt out in sl. I work too much and get no recognition anyway, I need to get back to fun. I don't even really want to log on anymore. The bitches are still bitches and the asshats still asshats as usual heh.I love how people think they are better then you in sl... oh look at me my avi is hot and I dance in lines I must be better then you, well fyi your not, your just empty lost souls in sl looking for something your missing from rl like I am. your not better.

Sigh..Mandrax and I broke up on our anniversary, he wasn't on much he said lol I seen him once a week. but since Monday when it happened he's been on everyday, 5 days in a row more then I ever got. I come to believe that all men in sl are scum rat losers. and I found out today and I'm laffing my ass off actually :) that somone who got married to the so called man of their dreams hahah.. well the guy has been flirting in IM with other girls. so suck it bitch hes scum too.

ah then there is Rl... I been making secret plans for my escape from my marriage. I'm leaving I can't take the mental abuse any longer it's killing me and destroying my once happy outgoing soul. My mother noticed that I'm no longer the happy positive girl I used to always be, as I think about it 99% of my thoughts are negative and making me sick. I tried to take my life this week. the only reason I do not is because i would never want to hurt my mother. I could only hope that one day I could emmulate her beautiful soul. But for now I'll be an unhappy drone that I am, log onto sl work unhappy cliquey jobs with selfish cowcunts, for now i'll keep planning my escape in rl. Today is a new day and today is when i start being positive and get myself back, I miss her she was fun and loving.

As for Sl men.. your all rats and no one will ever be good enough for me no one. My heart is too big for Sl I think lol. but im gonna continue being me fuck the rest :)

sigh

I wish I could win the lottery or just die...one or the other would be bliss.

Once upon a time, there was a little girl who was filled with hope, dreams, aspirations, romantic and passionate. She lived her life making friends and openly trusting all whom she met, she loved to laff and smile and was naive to the ways of the world. Then as the years went by she could slowly see the evil in people and that saddened her.Started with innocent hide and go seek games as a child, wide eyed and playfull she was oblivious to what would happen next. That day her life and innocence was stolen and ripped from her core. An older cousin would repeatedly violate her quietly as she lay there feeling ashamed and confused, not understanding.He continued this time and time again and she never told a soul. she was scared and worried know one would believe her or talk to her. she felt like bad girl and dirty, how she missed feeling that trust again. years went by, she never told a single soul. the smile slowly vanished from her face the innocence lost in her eyes, She closes herself of and withdraws never feeling god enough. Now she is a young woman with her whole life ahead of her. she feels she might let the past go and embrace her new womanhood.Then tragically she is brutally attacked violated one night after clubbing with friends. She is afraid to say the R word cuz then it feels more real.She feels like she watched it happening to someone else not her.She hides herself away inside herself where she knows its safe. She never tells anyone, its probably her fault anyway, she wants to forget, She hates herself, she must have deserved this she thinks, shes ashamed and never tells anyone this.


No amount of showering or tears will wash away the filth she feels about herself. she tries to take her life but is a coward. four times she tries, four time failing.she locks herself away and loses her trust in people. yet even after all this she still has hope and dreams. Sometimes she stays in her beautiful house with her beautiful things not leaving for months on end. She wont answer the phone or the door. one day she finds a new life, a secondlife, where she can be the girl she is deep down with out anyone looking her in the eye judging her. once again her dreams and aspirations and hope come somewhat alive once more. Virtual although it may be. She feels safe as the numbness of rl melts away. She feels she is healing, No one knows her name, No one know who she is. She is me I am her. And as a new day begins, I become free and embrace the world once more clear of all past heartaches. I make friends and people that could never hurt me physically.I write this cuz I will never meet you and somehow it feels good to get it out. I wont see your judgmental eyes. You will never know me.

a lilttle real :)

Im getting so home sick in rl, I moved cities back in October and im missing my mom and dad bad, all my friends I used to have, havent met anyone here, Im so lonely :( I Have my sl friends, but im missing my weekly sushi lunch and shopping day wif my besty Jen. I dunno how long I can do this. I live in a a half a million dollar home, drive a great car. its beautiful here of course, Im just so lonely!! been working out lots latley,lost 5 pounds wanna lose at least 20.I'm thinking of going back home soon for a visit and take my puppy wif me. if it wasnt for my sl friends and my sl jobs Id be having a mental breakdown lolz. I dont even have a doctor or dentist yet. okay a lil rambling about me hehe im 5'5 and half, long black hair, dark brown eyes, I have 4 pets, 2 cats Tony aka Fat tony lol, Nicci. Chilli my old pitbull and my 5 month old pom. they walk all over me cuz im a big softy pushover and spoil them to death hehe. I have 2 brother 2 sisters whom I never see. my mom and I are super close and I dunno what I would do without her, another reason im so crazy homesick. ack Im blabbing and bored and survivor is over, nothing is on tv. Damn btw Parvati should of won. anyone know when true blood starts up?

Happy!!

meeps!! Im so happy. I have the bestest friends ever! Nico my rock my muse by wedding designer hehe. Jacqui my beautiful liege with a generous heart of gold! Mea my constant laff and partner in crime. Yuna my sweet Yuna, picks me up when I am down. I love my sl life! I love my jobs, my friends my Mandrax! I couldnt be happier. thinking of being a DJ oO but im kinda shy. we will see..... I wanna play cheesy 80s though so will have to work at dance clubs or 80s clubs for that LOL. dun think my clubs I work at now like Ace of Base :P

is it me or are tips sucking at clubs lately? was working with like 50 peeps on a sim the other day and made 50 linden. cheap assed fuckers. and then they tip the dj and skip me lol god dont be so fucking cheap. believe it or not working can be stressful at times lol.well the other night I finally got a 1000 linden tip but that is rare hehe. Started a new club last night and made 1500 in tips that was cool, hope it stays that way.when I started working in Sl i mainly did it to make friends, a year has gone by and I still dont fit into all the cliques lol. i dont understand it, im hot, funny, sweet, generous but yet they continue to treat me like an outsider, can someone tell me what it is? are they jealous? intimidated? I know alot of girls dont like me for god knows what reasons lol. but talk to me get to know me. uh I think I know what it is...its cuz I dont lie cheat and backstab, that must be an sl clique requirement and ass kissing.Long story short I love working in Sl all my jobs rock! tips come and go but the peeps and friends I make is for the long term. rant done. tip me and my coworkers you cheap wads :D have a great day and have fun!

Ugh emo men

okay I get guys get emo from time to time but jesus Christ grow some fucking balls and suck it up whine whine whine, thats my job Im emo enough. go away emos, i like being dominant at times but get a fucking spine and be a man ffs. :) venting complete. I dont have time for emo pussies *smiles*

Bite me Drama Lamas yeah you know who you are :P

I'm loving Sl lately. Staying away from the drama lamas and there lacky's is helping lots! well Im sure there are more spies to come out the wood work lol bring it on jealous old bitty's. Can't wait to see them fall :) but being the sweet self I am i'll prolly try to be the shoulder for them to cry on. ugh I dunno why I do it.

fakes

ugh why is there so many fakes? one min the are all sweet the next min the bashing you and making up fabricated stories LOL I chalk it up to jealousy, not everyone can be as cute and sweet natured as me *shrugs* check out my Sl profile picks. I would be glad to do your picture for you :) no Im not conceited they are mostly of me cuz Im showing peeps examples. *hugs*